My Trials and Tribulations with Civil Procedure

(No pun intended, of course.)

How do most ugly conglomerate corporations legally get off the hook? How do they get away with engaging in irresponsible behavior that negatively impacts neighborhoods and communities? With polluting, ransacking, and abusing? We’re not even talking MNCs here – we’re talking state-to-state, nation-bound corporations.

They use the law to their advantage. Read: their legal counsels cleverly find loopholes in state statutory law and federal law. Sometimes, they even find policy loopholes. They locate headquarters in tax-lax states such as Delaware, for instance. They find the secrets to absolve guilt through procedure – not through substance.

They master the art of civil procedure. They master the body of law that nobody (in his or her right mind) would like to hear about. What, you’re not turned on by Federal Rule 4(k)(2)(b)? They just do it. And then, they win (i.e. screw people over).

This is what I tell myself every time I open my civil procedure text book. Yet, every time I do so, my biology also seems to react – and I begin to partake in a yawning Olympics. It is as if I have quickly (in a matter of mere weeks!) developed an allergic reaction to the subject. I have never been allergic to anything. No food or material can throw my ever fabulously healthy immune system off balance. OK that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Somehow, still, civil procedure is my caveat.

I just cannot keep my eyelids open. One sentence would have the same 5 words repeated two to three times just in a different order. Take this: “Pendant personal jurisdiction is possible as a basis for personal jurisdiction for claims that derive from a common set of facts as claims for which the defendant is subject to personal jurisdiction.”

What?! 

I drink 3 cups of coffee then I finally start to read quickly and efficiently without falling asleep. But… How far can coffee go? Believe it or not, I do have a personally-set ceiling for the level caffeine allowed per day. And I cannot keep upping that ceiling. My body can only handle so much before I go insane. So what do I do?

For now, I have coined a mantra that I simply repeat to myself time and time again as I do my readings. “For Justice, know CivPro.” Not sure how accurate it is, but I do know that it’s keeping me going. One day, I would like to use the subject to fight for a Good case. Until then… I will keep calm and litigate on.

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